Noodle Change: The exit strategy - the cold hard facts!

The exit strategy – the cold hard facts!

We are now T minus 10 for our departure (it’s more like 19 1/2 days but I thought T minus 10 sounded kinda cool) from Singapore to Hoi An and the packing is underway… You would think I am the world’s best packer by now but sadly that is hugely mistaken!

Fact 1: I HATE packing!!

The majority of our ‘stuff’ is owned by the two smaller members of the family. Not sure how THAT works – but again another fact!

Fact 2: Expect the smallest members of the family to have the MOST ‘stuff'

BUT, I believe when re-locating with kids, the most important thing is they have their things around them to make them feel at home as quickly as possible. Yes we all know kids can live with less, that there are kids that have nothing and I tell my kids this ALL THE TIME. Just ask them, they’ll probably even imitate me when they repeat my words back to you: “there are kids in the world that have nothing – and yes, we know we are very lucky’. I really think they do have some concept of just how lucky they are – well I hope they do anyway.

However their stuff is their stuff and for an eight year old who has already has his ‘stuff’ dissected, sold and chucked out at least three times in different moves, life can be kinda tough. So much to hubby’s dislike, I try and be a bit ‘thoughtful’ in what we get rid of and what we take… And then I also chuck a bunch of stuff down the garbage shoot when they are at school too (cue evil laugh). Not sure how long my answer of “oh I am not sure, I think it’s in storage” will suffice when asked “where is my blue marble (yes, as in singular, just one marble… just ONE!) that I love with every inch of my heart?” So point being, happy kids = happy life, so if we need to pack up and ship a bunch of stuff that make the little people feel at home then so be it!

How your kids deal with change is obviously dependant on your child’s personality and kids are ALL different! Anyone would be excused for thinking when you give birth to your second child and they are the same sex as the first they would be pretty much the same type of kids… Well how wrong could I be?!

Fact 3: Just because your two kids are both boys doesn’t mean they are the same! (OK kinda irrelevant to this post but I still want to say it)

Kid 1 is a hoarder (may or may not be a trait he inherited from my side of the family?). He is sentimental and would hold onto a paddle pop stick if his best mate had used his pocket money to buy it for him! Kid 2 – he’s a different one altogether and the process of ‘decluttering’ is so much easier with him around. When my questions of chuck or keep is constantly answered with ‘CHUUUUUCK’ my negotiating process of just how much we ship is so much easier than Kid 1’s answer ….”NOOOOOOO I love that scrunched up piece of paper that I drew a circle on when I was 2 !” I think it’s really important to give your kids some input into what’s important to them when relocating. Well to at least let them THINK they have had input. Then you chuck the crap when they are not looking… just joking! In all seriousness if they feel they are part of the process, I assure you the move is far less traumatic.

So my next task at hand is setting the kids up for the big move. They have been to Vietnam so they have a concept of what they are ‘in for’ which is one point for the parents. Also, because of the nature of our kids and the fact that Kid 2 idolises Kid 1, all is right with the world as long as his brother is by his side. So it pretty much means if we manage Kid 1 right then Kid 2 just slots right on in with whatever is going on.

This all make me think of a brilliant piece of advice a friend gave me a few years ago when the tears and apprehension starting flowing about our impending move from Hanoi. She told me to ‘build a raft’ for my kids… It kinda sounds like ‘building a bridge’. You know kids, you’re only five and your whole world is about to change, but hey just get over it! Hahahah no, THAT folks is not the great advice, building a ‘RAFT’ is the great advice. RAFT is an acronym for:

R: Reconciliation

A: Affirmation

F: Farewells

T: Think ahead

Reconciliation: Making sure ‘all is right with their world. Ensuring there is no ‘bad blood’ left behind, saying any unspoken words to make ‘relationships right’ before you leave.

Affirmation: Talking with your kids and affirming the great things in your life in your current destination. Like “how lucky we have been to have lived in Singapore”, “what a great school it is that you guys have gone to”, “you have made so many wonderful friends here” or talk about some of the amazing experiences you have had.

Farewells: This is a really important one for the whole family and farewells aren’t just reserved for people, farewells can mean favourite places as well. Farrer Rd Hawker market has become a family favourite for us for Sunday breakfast so we’ll make sure we have our ‘last visit’ to the hawker. This is really important for kids to get closure. Last ‘playdates’ with best friends and last visits to favourite places (making sure they are aware it is the last time) help them really be at peace with leaving these things behind with happy memories. (anyone that knows me here in Singapore probably knows that a farewell to Baker & Cook and Brunetti’s will be high on MY agenda)

Think ahead: Thinking ahead and talking about where you are going. Planning exciting things for everyone to look forward to and talking positively about what your new life might be like. “We can’t wait to get to Vietnam as we will be able to go to the beach most weekends”, “when we move to Vietnam you will be able to ride your bike to school”, “our friends and family will be able to visit and we can look forward to showing them around”, “I can’t wait to see all the great new friends you are going to make”, “YES I PROMISE I will try my best to find a house that has a balcony so you can chuck paper planes into the rice paddies…(and then go and pick them up because we don’t want to litter)”.

So you see, building a raft can make kids feel like there is a plan for them for what’s coming up ahead. It wraps your last experience up in a nice neat package that they can happily leave in the past. It becomes a great memory but they can move ahead to the next adventure with excitement and understand that everything is going to be ok.

So with packing, chucking and building rafts, I have a LOT to get through in the next few weeks. So I best be off and make the most of the time that I have. Now where is MY diary so I can schedule in my own farewell!